FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this