You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.