there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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