New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket