this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Mom said you looked used
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
