how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.