I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.