So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex