I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true