my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
