When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dating After Heartbreak
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.