I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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