I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You are a genius and a whore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
