Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book