I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
