I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
