My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.