I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
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we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist