don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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