i just google imaged poop.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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