Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
