The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore