i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
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So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts