Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.