Texts From Last Night

kyoat's Favorites Texts:

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  (408): View more from California

  i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.

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  (408): i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person. http://tfl.nu/pbus
  Replies (18) Good night (4795) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.

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  (302): Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit. http://tfl.nu/yb12
  Replies (26) Good night (4085) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

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  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (19434) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka

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  (919): I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka http://tfl.nu/i4zm
  Replies (6) Good night (7564) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

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  (518): September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location http://tfl.nu/jdkq
  Replies (16) Good night (8820) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.

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  (630): Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself. http://tfl.nu/vif9
  Replies (55) Good night (10181) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers

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  (920): Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers http://tfl.nu/3qjt
  Replies (22) Good night (647) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

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  (925): Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen. http://tfl.nu/fkde
  Replies (47) Good night (5196) Bad night (1118)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...

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  (501): so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm... http://tfl.nu/bp9a
  Replies (39) Good night (5173) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience

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  (360): drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience http://tfl.nu/ehko
  Replies (10) Good night (844) Bad night (4593) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...

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  (810): I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work... http://tfl.nu/lwph
  Replies (29) Good night (4058) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

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  (615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked. http://tfl.nu/g4y8
  Replies (45) Good night (1217) Bad night (9110) Order T-Shirt