Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now