Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now