Texts From Last Night

kittyinthemiddle's Favorites Texts:

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.

  (1-443): View more from Maryland

  That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.

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  (443): Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please. (1-443): That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude. http://tfl.nu/3mvf
  Replies (18) Good night (907) Bad night (2515) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now

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  (507): you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now http://tfl.nu/xehl
  Replies (9) Good night (2757) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.

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  (503): Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush. http://tfl.nu/eadi
  Replies (2) Good night (838) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.

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  (586): I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print. http://tfl.nu/m0e5
  Replies (6) Good night (1555) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home

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  (360): well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home http://tfl.nu/1sb0
  Replies (8) Good night (2654) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.

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  (810): He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me. http://tfl.nu/paz8
  Replies (24) Good night (2917) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.

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  (262): But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK. http://tfl.nu/jmv1
  Replies (18) Good night (2108) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.

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  (941): Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil. http://tfl.nu/r5gy
  Replies (1) Good night (1842) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.

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  (305): I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel. http://tfl.nu/egxv
  Replies (3) Good night (1243) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.

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  (310): Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes. http://tfl.nu/zngo
  Replies (2) Good night (1207) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.

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  (905): And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced. http://tfl.nu/b7p5
  Replies (12) Good night (2744) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??

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  (+44): My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts?? http://tfl.nu/jz5d
  Replies (2) Good night (1256) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.

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  (907): You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools. (1-907): That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day. http://tfl.nu/rl6v
  Replies (5) Good night (1376) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.

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  (515): Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours. http://tfl.nu/5w5c
  Replies (5) Good night (1530) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt