He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...