She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
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You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.