im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
