you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night