He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.