He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.