so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.