The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.