The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.