Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.