But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.