So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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