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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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