my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass