Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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