yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
