I'm fucking your sister right now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
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My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.