Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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