for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?