during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love