Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.