I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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