He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
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Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.