He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.