Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
