I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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