So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He felt like a one man threesome
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"