Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.