how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan