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[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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