i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
