and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!